Wednesday, February 6, 2019

My Apology to Jasper County

I haven't blogged in almost two years. I grew tired of talking about addiction and feeling I was spinning my wheels. Also, I was trying to give my family more privacy to give my daughter the chance to live outside of the shadow of my Facebook page and blog. After I left my job working in domestic law, my husband told me he felt I should get back into blogging or volunteering in addiction/recovery because it was such a huge part of my passion. I had no intention of re-starting my Facebook page or even starting this blog again, but something was eating at me. I needed to do something. I felt empty.

One morning, I was reading the comments on a Facebook thread about some people arrested for drug charges. I started reading the comments from citizens chiming in about our court system being a "revolving door" and complaining that drug addicts need to be "locked up longer" and I even read some troubling messages from former law enforcement officers talking so horribly about addicts in general. I realize these people were criminals on the news...but they WERE people. I mean, it could easily be my own daughter on that page or yours, or anyone's. These faces splashed across the news were someone's loved ones. The lack of empathy was in full force. I started thinking about my own self and lack of empathy for others and my own criticism of the county I live and the rants I myself have gone on in this very blog.

This past year, I made an extremely bad choice and I said some things in a private conversation that I deeply regretted. My words were unfair, hurtful and quite frankly-- they were untrue. They were based off of things I was likely told by someone who was angry just like me and frustrated with the system at the time, just like me. Rather than wait for this person to be told by a 3rd party about what I had said, I reached out to him and told him myself and I asked him for his forgiveness. I got the kindest, most gracious and Christian-like response from him, that I cried. I keep that message as a reminder of the  grace I was shown when I didn't deserve it. Truly did not deserve it.

So...I wanted to give back. I wanted to show grace. I wanted to do something to get involved and help my county and get back into the area of interest that is my passion---addiction and recovery. I decided to message an old friend of mine named Erik Theis, who is the Jasper County Courts Administrator. I told him "I want to get involved with Treatment Court. I'm no longer working and I want to volunteer, even if just once a week--whatever you guys need." He responded immediately, "We would love to have your help, please contact Matt Ouren, who is our Treatment Court Administrator. Here is his number." I messaged Matt and got a response right away. We met two days later.

I was nervous. I had been raking this county over the coals for 5 years. I decided it was time to "put up or shut up"--to "help or stay silent"--to learn about what they are doing in our county and offer my help rather than my two cents. Would they resent me? Would they even know me? Would they even care? What I found...was more grace.

Matt Ouren is a fantastic human being. I've never met someone who can understand the way an addict feels without ever being an addict. I have never met a man who can feel empathy for those who relapse and understand the reasons they do, without having lived it. He is special. This county is blessed. It was the most fulfilling meeting I have had in 5 years. It filled my soul with so much hope, so much excitement and so much pride for the things happening in this community and especially in Jasper County.

Therefore---my mission now is to tell YOU about it. I want YOU to know what is going on in Jasper  County and I want YOU to know how important our Treatment Courts are to this community and the work our Judges, Prosecutors, Probation Officers, Deputies, Counselors, and especially Matt are to this county.

I have had several of the leaders of the court system answer questions for me for my blog about parenting, how to deal with your addicted children and how to handle the problem when it begins; how to use the system to help your family member; and I have gathered useful information from them that I am so excited to tell you about. I cannot do it in one blog, so this shall be a series of informational blogs to educate you, the voters, the citizens, the taxpayers. You deserve to know what is really happening in that crowded courthouse behind the scenes. It will blow your minds. It has mine.  I can't wait to share it with you.

So Jasper County, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner and become educated about the Treatment Court before now. I'm sorry that I bought into the stories of the good ole boy system. I'm sorry that I didn't see you as actual people in those roles of authority or behind those desks. I thought you only saw statistics, numbers, faces on a rap sheet. I was so very wrong. You see people and now, I do too. Thank you.

Next blog...my day in Treatment Court with Judge Dankelson..

Oh...the person I mentioned earlier who forgave me and showed me grace when I didn't deserve it? It was Judge Dankelson, himself.  God works in strange ways, eh?














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