As I pulled into the driveway of Webb City High School, my heart sort of sank. I remembered going there for orientation with both my son and daughter for their Freshman years and they were both so excited, yet nervous to be the underclassman. It felt like that was just yesterday, but it was nine years ago that I had my last Freshman walk into that school. It looks very much the same, and as I walked to the office, I could feel myself starting to tear up. I found myself thinking about my little blonde girl who started there in 2004. She was so excited to pick her locker, so excited to see her classrooms, her schedule, etc. She was just so excited. I was so excited for her. She had such a beautiful smile, beautiful promise and sweet disposition. She was my little doll. I had no idea that her life would take such a spiral in the coming years.
I left the posters with the office staff, who were very nice. I think I even said something about wanting to cry being in that building. As I walked out, I got into my car and sat there and cried. What could I say to parents who are beginning this journey with their kids this year? Not just at Webb City, but at every high school across this nation. At the age of 15, kids are so vulnerable, so gullible, so naive and so impressionable. It is a crucial time in their life. They aren't old enough to drive, but old enough to hang around with those that do. They aren't old enough to car date (mine wasn't allowed at that age)--but old enough to be in class every day with kids who were. They want to fit in, and sometimes they don't care the cost.
As a parent, this is a time that your attention needs to be on high alert with your children. This is the age that they will make life altering decisions that can change their entire future. This is the age that they will begin to mold their future. Oh, I wish I could go back to that moment in 2004. I wish I could have put a little bubble around her heart, mind and spirit. I wish I would have put more boundaries on her. I wish I would have grounded her more when she started to get out of line. I wish I would have done so many small things that maybe could have shaped her world differently. I can't go back in time---but you can start right now if this is YOUR child's Freshman year.
Please heed my advice:
Pay attention to their friends.
Pay attention to their social media. Know their passwords and if they refuse- take it away.
Pay attention to who befriends them on social media. Know the "ins and outs" of the social media out there today. Your Freshman shouldn't be on Tinder or dating sites. If you don't know what Tinder is--look it up.
Restrict their phone usage during school hours and at night--and download smart limits if you don't have it. Pay attention to their text messages. Know their phone password too.
Pay attention to their sleep patterns. If they start changing--ask why.
Pay attention to their normal every day appearance. Do they start changing their look? Less concern about their personal appearance? Change of style? Change of hygiene? Change of hobbies?
Pay attention and talk. Eat dinner together. Sit and talk about their day. Don't take "I don't know" or "Nothing" for an answer.
KNOW THEIR FRIENDS AND THEIR PARENTS. Do not just trust them to be in the home of anyone else and don't feel bad that you follow up to ensure they are where they say. If a friend's parent doesn't have the same rules--then don't let them spend time there. These are your kids, not a popularity contest. If parents are smoking pot and buying booze for kids--then you don't need your child hanging around at their house.
TALK TO OTHER PARENTS. If you sense trouble, talk. Don't talk behind parent's backs. Go to the parents and talk to them openly. Watch out for each other's children, not use them as a source of gossip or a reason to feel you are a better parent. That will burn you, I can promise you.
Watch for signs of trouble. Upon any sign---ask for help.
Know your school counselor's. They are a source of help that very few of us utilize and they see things we don't see every day at school.
UPDATED--2017 VERSION:
LOOK for acronyms! Ask them what they mean.
For example, "Finsta" means "Fake Instagram Account. Teens create fake accounts on social media and only add the people they want (usually friends and people from other towns). They usually don't add adults or parents, so that they do not see the activity. Girls post photos of them in their bras; teens post pictures of themselves smoking weed or smoking and drinking; or pictures of themselves under the influence. Tons of pictures of underage drinking, and other activities that you would not approve.
Also, PAY ATTENTION TO THE ADULTS who befriend your teen. It is well known that older people buy alcohol and other substances for kids. Be cautious of people who are out of high school that wants to hang around your high school student.
AND LAST, but not least---DON'T EVER DOUBT YOUR INSTINCTS. EVER.
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