There is no "Magic Cure"

During the course of my daughter’s treatment, we have run into the same problems many families endure, regarding medical care and health insurance. Fortunately, my husband has excellent insurance for behavioral health, but it took 3 relapses and dancing through hoops to finally get her into an extended treatment facility.

If an addict has health insurance available, sometimes they will only pay for a couple of weeks, sometimes they will pay for the magic number of “28 days”. In this short period of time, an addict is supposed to be detoxed, sometimes with medication, and then adjust to life, learn coping skills and go back into the world after 28 short days. I would have to guess the success rate is very low. Unfortunately, a family is unaware of the non-success stories and has false hopes that they will be magically cured.  If and when the addict relapses, it is almost as painful to the family as the first time they became aware their loved one is an addict.   Upon dismissal, all facilities will express a need for the addict to regularly attend meetings and “change their playground and playmates.” That seems easy, right? Wrong.

Once they are released into the world, they are exposed to all types of triggers, such as smells, people, everyday items that they used for drug use, such as spoons, Q-tips, cotton balls, straws, needles (also called “darts”) and other items that the average person sees every day, without noticing. These everyday items can cause an addict to crave their drug of choice. If they fail to attend self-help groups, such as AA or NA, then they likely have not found a sponsor to talk them off of the proverbial cliff. Next thing you know, they have disappeared back into a crowded world of unknown people and “here you go again”.

Another issue we had with treatment facilities was medication.  Sadly, addiction is a booming business.  I knew nothing about treatment facilities until I searched for a place to send my daughter. I ran into brick wall after brick wall. It seemed that most places that I would have preferred, had a waiting list of 2-3 weeks. Other facilities didn’t accept people with health insurance and worked solely off of public grants. Other places believe in treatment with medication. The idea of medicating an addict is extremely frustrating to me. Not just once, but twice, we have had to send my daughter back to treatment for detoxification of medications she was prescribed BY HER TREATMENT FACILITY. I am sure there are some addicts that truly benefit from medications to block opiates, however, my daughter, and a majority of the other addicts I have met, have all become dependent on the very drugs that are supposed to assist them.  I have bitched, battled and complained greatly to medical providers over this very issue. Our family doctor has always been aware of her problems, so he never gave her narcotics. I guess in my mind, I hoped that all medical physicians would take the same precautions---but that is not the case. A parent or loved one of an addict must have good communication with the treatment center, or chances are, your addict will be released on medication and incurring costs to the tune of hundreds of dollars a month to continue their “methadone or suboxone treatment regimen.”  Both drugs supposedly cause the brain to think its already receiving opiates, therefore, they won’t crave more.  Both drugs cause similar physical signs as opiates, such as pinpoint pupils, moodiness and sleep issues. I, personally, hate both drugs. In my life, they have done nothing positive for my family. For those of you who have success with those, that's great. They just have not worked for my family.

Another issue in the drug treatment business is the mixture of patients that are there both voluntarily and involuntarily. Often times, if someone is forced to go to treatment by either their family or the Court, they do not take it seriously and are just buying time to get back out into the world. By intermingling the two types of patients, it can cause negative influences, more temptations and yet another friendship based on addiction that will likely lead to relapse. It is the hope that every person in treatment truly wants help, but that is not always the case. It would be nice if every family in America could afford to send their family member to a private facility that had their own counselor and the one on one time they need, but it is not possible. An addict must truly want to get better and be committed to that goal if it is going to work.  The addict must make a conscious decision to avoid the people who are not conducive to their treatment. I’ve seen people succeed in court ordered treatment, but it can only occur if they come to the realization that they are truly powerless over their addiction. In talking with recovering addicts who have participated in the court ordered drug court monitoring programs, they seem to have a better recovery rate than those who are just ordered to treatment for a certain amount of time. I'm not certain how co-mingling the patients could ever be avoided because all patients make a claim to seek sobriety. They all know the key words they need to say, to expedite their discharge and they are all people, all addicts and all deserve treatment. Court ordered or not, their addiction is no less important than my child's.

Finding a treatment center is an exhausting task. It takes hours on the phone, only to be told that they cannot talk to you and must talk to your addict. Once you have made contact with a hotline number, you end up having multiple phone calls from facilities attempting to gain your business.  Each facility has their good and bad points and good and bad counselors. A family must find the place that meets their needs both spiritually and financially.

The last time I visited my daughter, I couldn't help but notice that there were a ton of people in line for visiting day.  My son and I discussed the increase in visitors and in patients. I looked around the room and mentally noted a man in a Titlelist hat; a grandmotherly looking lady; a teenager; a very pretty girl in her 20’s; an athletic looking guy; a man with no teeth; a man with perfect teeth; a lady who was dressed to the nines and a lady who was wearing tattered clothing. As I sat there “people watching”, all I could think of, was the slogan “Addiction does not discriminate.” It truly does not. I saw people from every walk of life, all fighting the same battle. All in the same place and all with hopefully the same goal. All addicts.

If you are searching for a treatment center, I would encourage you to ask questions regarding their follow up care; their view on medication (such as Methadone or Suboxone therapy), the policies regarding interaction of patients and their religious affiliations. Those are all important issues that you will face. What may work for my child, may not work for yours and vice versa. Obviously, the cost and insurance coverage is the number one factor in determining which facility your loved one can be treated. There are some great facilities in the United States, but a family should ask questions, read reviews on the Internet and research the physicians who will be treating your loved one before jumping onto the first facility that says the magic words, “We have a bed available.” With a little bit of research, you can find out most anything. Don’t be scared to ask questions. You are the customer. They are the salesman. You are not at their mercy. Also, ensure your loved one signs a release to discuss their treatment with you. Otherwise, you could find yourself footing a bill for unknown treatment and being left in the dark.

Treatment should be a positive step in an addict’s life and in the life of their loved ones. No one, however, is “magically cured” and treatment is a lifelong commitment. A family should have a positive attitude and be supportive of their loved ones decision to enter treatment. Family support is very important in the addict’s success rate---however, as much as a family wants sobriety for a loved one, they cannot achieve it for them. It requires full commitment from the addict. With the help of a good treatment center, recovery is made a bit easier for both the addict and their family. To a mom, those 28 days can provide a good night’s sleep that hasn’t occurred in years. To an addict, those 28 days might not be enough, but there are extended programs out there---you just have to find them.

Ask questions, research and be optimistic but realistic. There is no magic cure.

What would YOU do?

Today I have a hard time concentrating on writing my blog because I, like most people in Southwest Missouri, am focused on following the news regarding the kidnapping and murder of a Springfield girl. She was 10 years old. Her predator was a teacher with no significant criminal history. No felonies. A minor drug charge long ago and a wildlife infraction were all that appeared on his record. He was a teacher and a coach in the school district. Snatched from her neighborhood walking home in broad daylight only 2 blocks from her home. Her name was Hailey Owens. Yesterday she was a normal 10-year-old girl, who was playing at a neighbor’s home after school. Today she is gone, due to the cruel, horrible actions of another person.

When I think about the fright and terror that is hovering over all parents today—it makes me ponder…Are our children ever really safe? We teach our kids to not talk to strangers, not to get into a car with strangers and to scream if a stranger approaches them. Reports say that she tried to walk off from him, but he lured her back over, questioning her about directions. As she moved closer to him, he grabbed her and threw her in his truck. The neighbors were watching, paying attention; they wrote down the man’s license plate number and attempted to chase him down the road. They called 911 and ten minutes later the police came and an Amber Alert was issued. The community of Springfield and State of Missouri came together to spread information swiftly across the Internet and hundreds were on the ground searching for this little girl…but it was too late. She was found murdered.

Honestly, what could have been done differently to save her? The fact that she knew he was a stranger and attempted to get away from him; the neighbors were watching out for her; and yet still, she was taken in broad daylight, scares me beyond understanding. It makes me think that no matter what we do, what we say, or how much we prepare our children for this world, there are events and actions of others that our children will not be able to defend themselves. THAT IS TERRIFYING.

Please pray for her family and friends and the Springfield community as they try to wrap their minds around such a senseless act. I cannot imagine the pain of her parents and siblings. My prayers are with them.

So many times as parents, as neighbors, we look the other way and don’t want to interfere with other people’s business.  I admire Hailey Owens’ neighbors for being attentive and taking action; otherwise, it may have been days or weeks before she was found, if she was ever found.  It made me think about me, as a neighbor and as a friend. I wonder how many times I knew things about other people’s children that I never shared with them. Granted, it’s COMPLETELY different when a child is 10 years old and abducted from her neighborhood. I would do everything in my power to protect a child if I saw something like that happening. I’m referring more to the “covering up” that we do as parents. The “looking the other way.” How many times have we had information about a party that happened, or a child somewhere they shouldn’t be---and we simply chose to tuck it away in our brains? I am talking about the teen years. I’m referring to the years in which their path could be changed. I have busted up so many parties at my house where my daughter had a plethora of familiar kids there and I never said a word to their parents. I have read several messages from kids I know that involve themselves in the same world she does---yet, I have never reached out to those parents. WHY? Is it the fear that they will be offended? Is it common theme that “it’s none of my business?”  What IS our business? I am not a big fan of Hillary Clinton, but when she said, “It takes a village to raise a child”---she was onto something. People have become so consumed in their own lives, their own family issues that as a country, we seem to have become the masters of “looking the other way.” 

Ideally, it is most important that we clean where we eat, that we care for our own, that we pay attention to the details in our own back yard before we notice anyone else’s rubbish. I agree with that, but I also think we have become “pals” of our kids, rather than instilling that “fear” or “respect” that our parents and grandparents instilled. There is no doubt in my mind that when I was a single mom, that a lot of stuff went down in my home that would have never occurred now that I have become better informed. I know that I was taken advantage of, due to a lack of respect on my daughter’s part. I know that she knew that I was a safe haven and would not turn my back on her if she made mistakes. I can also, though, remember keeping my mouth shut about other kids and their behaviors just simply because they begged me not to tell on them.  I think now, in retrospect, it was a huge mistake. I think now, if I were to break up a party, I would probably call each and every parent. If they chose to ignore it, so be it---but at least I stood my ground. Chances are, there wouldn’t have been any more parties at my house if it became clear that it was not going to be tolerated.

I look back at things like that and want to kick myself. I wonder if my actions could have changed a person’s path. I wonder if I had been more persistent and the “nosy mother”, could it have saved someone from bigger issues?  Had I known that drugs were such a popular hobby back then, I would have handled things differently.  My eyes were blind to the problem. My goal is to open your eyes so that you can pay better attention. My goal is to tell parents “Look around you. Be aware. Pay attention to the signs and be the authority figure, not the friend.”  My daughter may have thought I was a pushover back then, but today she knows I have learned…the hard way.

What would you do? In retrospect, it is my honest opinion that if you catch your kids and their friends doing something that is wrong, and especially illegal, even if its “just alcohol”, its still illegal if they are under the age of 21—and you are setting a precedence that you will tolerate that type of behavior in your home, if you choose to look the other way. By just setting strict boundaries within your own home, you help create a respect that can’t be overturned as easily. As parents we want to encourage our children and their friends to hang out at home, I definitely agree with that---but there still has to be boundaries for not only them, but also others who come to your home. Looking back, I would have done things differently. I did handle things differently with my son and I didn’t encounter the same problems.  

So what would you do? Put yourself in this scenario:  You go out with friends after work. Your son is at his dad’s house for the weekend and your daughter supposedly went to a friend’s house for the night. You come home and find cars in your driveway, kids in your house and beer in their hands. They beg you not to call their parents. Your daughter begs you not to call their parents. What would you do?

Call their parents. 

The Guilt

I am down with the flu. I was supposed to go see my daughter today and I know she is disappointed. I hate disappointing her. Sometimes it feels overwhelming because I feel like I’m the only one who carries the weight of trying to keep her looking forward. I know her brother does too, but he has to keep on living. He deserves to reap the benefits of living his life right. Although I would never want her to feel the same pain that we have all felt---sometimes I wish I could feel her sickness and her lack of self control to better understand it; and sometimes I wish she could be the person in our shoes, looking in to the pain that this madness has caused in our family. 

There comes a time that a parent has to just STOP. They have to stop tolerating disruption; stop blaming themselves; and stop feeling guilty. I wish I knew the anecdote for the feelings of guilt; but so far, its just been a “learn as I go” type of lesson. I’ve learned that when I want to do something nice for her, I will. When I want to go visit, I will. I cannot and shall no longer allow this addiction to run my life. I’ve missed out on so many things due to the constant interruption in our lives. We all have. My entire family has missed out on so much and so has she. She missed her high school graduation; her brother’s graduation; many holidays; many birthdays; and many family gatherings…many, many things.

One of the biggest personality traits of an addict is the “blamer”, the “person who is never wrong” and the “masters of guilt placement.” There were so many times that I knew something was wrong and she was lying to me, but she had this uncanny ability to somehow make me feel responsible. “If you would have just let me go there, then we wouldn’t have gotten into a fight and this wouldn’t have happened.”  In my co-dependent mind, I would stop and think, “Hmmm…maybe I shouldn't have nagged her like that. Maybe I could have prevented that from happening.” After shaking my head in amazement at myself, the intelligent person usually prevailed and I would literally slap myself in the head thinking, “WHAT???”” There is no excuse for her behavior.” For a moment though, she could make me believe anything was my fault. I have learned that she isn’t special in that trait, for it's a trait of all addicts. There were times that she could have recited her name and birthdate and I wouldn’t have believed her and I named her and I brought her into this world. A parent loses all trust in every word their addict says.

I like the saying,  “Hate the Drug, not the Addict.” It’s hard to distinguish the difference at times.  Sometimes it’s hard not to look back at every bad thing that has happened as a result of her addiction and not feel anger towards her directly. It’s amazing though, how quickly those feelings can disappear, when you catch a glimpse of your “real child.” I have learned though, that I cannot grip onto that person…that I have to let her go and find her own way, because any time I tried so hard to hold on, she would escape through my fingers.  Each escape would wear on my heart just a little more. I can remember when she relapsed and I thought I had convinced myself that I could handle it, that I wouldn’t be let down. Well, I got the call and it brought me to my knees. The disappointment, the agony, the pain, the heartbreak was unbearable. Since that time, I’ve learned that no matter how badly I want this for her---I cannot do it and my fears, stresses and worries will not cause her to get better. It had to take her hitting the rock bottom of hell to finally want to stand back up and fight.

They say parents can “love you to death”…literally. I can understand that now. Sometimes feeling that you can take them shopping, make them feel pretty, give them attention and shower them with love---does nothing other than give them things to sell, give them more ways to get attention and gives them the complete power of your happiness by knowing that their sobriety is the key to your happiness. Enabling is a losing game and it doesn’t work for you or your addict. 

So, as the guilt consumes me today for not being able to visit… I’m going to reflect on the things I HAVE done. I’ve been there through thick and thin; I’ve loved her unconditionally; I’ve never given up on her; and I’ll be there next week…. if I want to be. Guilt is not going to run my life.  The good part of it is, that she understands that now. She knows that guilt will not be a factor in my decisions. She knows that if I say “No”, then I mean it and no tears, no pain, no blame, will cause me to change my mind. It’s all a part of the vicious cycle of addiction and as long as she and I both move on from here, then neither of us will have any reason for guilt to be apart of our future.

Drug Slang and Secret Codes

Thank you again for the emails of support and encouragement. I really appreciate everyone who reaches out to me and I am glad to help those of you who need information.

I have received a few messages this week from people asking me questions, because they suspect something about their son, daughter or loved one. It brought up a topic that became oh so familiar to me over the last few years---DRUG SLANG and SECRET CODES.

I previously suggested that you look at your children’s Facebook pages and social media sites to see whom their friends are and whom they are talking to that you may not know. I would also like to point out that if your child has their friends list “blocked” to where you can’t see who their friends are, then I would suggest you speak to them about that, especially if they are still in school and/or living under your roof.  

I noticed in the separate world that addicts live, that they have learned many tricks. Blocking their “friend list” from their parents is a first clue that they don’t want you to know what they are doing or with who they are are chatting.  I even got so nosy to the point that I would even creep on their friends’ friends to see if their lists were private. It also raised a flag in my mind if their friends were also secretive. I soon came to realize that the normal average, nothing-to-hide child does not keep their friends a secret.  Yes, I admit it. I became THAT nosy. If I had been a bit more intrusive (yes, its possible) when they were 13, 14, 15 or 16…then perhaps I wouldn’t have had so many issues later down the road. I always trusted my kids and never doubted their motives. Unfortunately, my son has reaped the wrath of his sister’s ability to sneak things past me, so he couldn’t get away with hardly anything. He finally gave up on any sort of privacy and started telling me things that I didn’t even want to know or need to know, just because he knew…I would KNOW. You tend to develop an uncanny ability to have a “gut feeling” which can only go away with building trust. As my husband says, “You gain trust in inches and lose it in miles.”  I’m happy to report that I can see both of my children’s list of friends today (until they read this blog).

Now, I know people will say, “I’m not going to spy on my kids. I trust their judgment.”  Ok, that’s fine. So did I. Your child isn’t like mine, after all…or are they? I agree that they need to be responsible for their judgment and choices when they are out of the home. When they are still living with you and you are footing the bills for their phones, electronics, Internet, and still molding them into human beings, then set some ground rules. Keep the line of communication open. Pay attention if they never want to leave their room, if they are locking their cell phones or hiding names of people in which they are associating. My son made a huge point to me several months ago. He said, “I have decided that it is all about who you choose as friends.”  He is right. A circle of friends is very important. You will notice if they are starting to hang with the wrong crowd, that their good friends will start to disappear and a new bunch will take their place. If you have lived in a town for 10 years and there are kids you do not know, beginning to hang around your children, there is probably a reason. If you don’t know them, ask other parents, ask a teacher, ask other kids. Ask your children.

Another little nifty trick is the “FAKE STATUS CODE”.  This one is really slick. They put things like “I need some batteries, does anyone have some?” That could mean, “ I need some benzos." They tend to say things that is actually a hidden acronym for something else. I learned another one, which was, “Hey, Molly is in town!” I was so naive that I thought it was a reference to my daughter’s longtime friend, named Molly. Well, she was away at college (she's a great girl) and it wasn’t about her.  The definition for Molly is as follows:

“Ecstasy” and "Molly" are slang terms for MDMA, short for 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine, a name that’s nearly as long as the all-night parties where MDMA is often used. That's why MDMA has been called a “club drug.” It has effects similar to those of other stimulants, and it often makes the person feel like everyone is his or her friend, even when that’s not the case.

MDMA is man-made—it doesn't come from a plant like marijuana or tobacco do. Other chemicals or substances—such as caffeine, dextromethorphan (found in some cough syrups), amphetamines, PCP, or cocaine—are sometimes added to, or substituted for, MDMA in Ecstasy or Molly tablets. Makers of MDMA can add anything they want to the drug, so its purity is always in question.

Scary, eh? Yes, it is very scary.

I remember one time I got an “accidental text” after my daughter had moved out of the house. She intended to send it to the boyfriend I loved so much and instead she sent it to me. My son and I were walking into Wal-Mart when I received, “Get me some oc while you are out.”  I thought, “How on earth did she know I was at the store?”  I then got a text that said “I meant OJ, I was sending that to _________.”  My son read it and looked at me funny and then grabbed his phone and started searching the Internet. He said, “OC is Oxycontin. A pain pill.” Her second text should have said, “Holy crap, I just sent you the wrong text.”  Of course I called her out on it and of course I got the usual “Mom, you are paranoid, you love my brother more than me and you always think the worst of me…BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH.” I could recite it verbatim because I heard it so many times. I was always assuming the worst and I was usually correct.

Another trend I started noticing was that a lot of these brave souls would put people’s names on a status, for example  “Jim, I need to see you. I must see you today.”  Well, either Jim was buying or Jim was selling. There is also the common, “Jennifer, you need to call me about those shirts I sold you.”  Chances are, Jennifer needs to pay her dealer. So next time you read something and think “Well that’s an odd status”…keep that in your mind.

This isn’t really funny, its pathetic but my husband and I have become expert pill spotters. We can go to the “pill book” or websites and find out anything. One day I turned the recliner upside down and two white pills fell out of it. I panicked and freaked out and scooped them up and had him look them up in his books when he got home. They were white, unmarked pills. He found generic Oxycontin was made in that form. We were just adamant that she must have hidden those in that chair. We have lived in this house for 3 years. She hadn’t been in our home for several months. It made no sense. How on earth would she do that and why?  Surely she remembers that they are there. I thought every bad scenario you could think of at the time, that I had walked in and she had to hide them or that she was sending drug lords to come back and get them…you name it, I thought of it. She had entered treatment and we could not ask her. A few days later, five more came rolling out of the recliner. She called that night, so I asked. She said “Mom, don’t you think I would have taken those if they were in the recliner?”  I said, “Well I just need to know how many were in there, so there aren’t dangerous pills floating around the house…so just tell me the truth.”  She said again, “Mom, I have never hidden anything in your recliner! Trust me, I would not have left them there, I would have taken them!” Well, I didn’t trust her, of course. Another week passed and two more fell out and this time, I turned that thing inside out…and sure enough, in the lining of that chair…was AN OPEN BOTTLE OF BREATH MINTS. Yep, breath mints. No marking, no brand name. They came in a little golf ball container that had opened inside in the chair. She had told the truth and I didn’t believe her. So…being the nosy, intrusive and disapproving parent can also make you crazy.

I look back now at so many things I would catch “now” that I didn’t catch “then” and it’s hard to think about it. I wonder how I could have been so blinded. I think the bottom line is that we all trust our children and think the best about them. Honestly, who wants to believe their child is a liar? Who wants to believe their child is an addict? An addict would have been the furthest thing from my mind. I look back now to times when for instance, both of my children had their wisdom teeth removed. Both got prescription pain pills. My son, ironically enough, didn’t take his and was just fine in a day or so; however, my daughter needed all of hers. “DUH”, right? Honestly though, if you were ignorant to the signs of opiate addiction ---how do you know? How can you guess what another person’s pain threshold is? Well, if they like the opiates, chances are, it’s going to be pretty darn low. My son has had sprained ankles, broken fingers, and other things that the doctor at the ER has written a script for and that script goes in the trash, shredded. He wants no part of pain medication and has found that ibuprofen can do just as much good without the other risks. If I could go back in time, I would have never allowed her to ever take any either, probably even after her car wreck…but once they turn 18, its no longer up to you.

So, my advice is to pay attention, be alert and know your kids and their friends. Learn the power of Google and sites such as drugs.com, noslang.com and Wikipedia. They can teach you almost anything you need to know. I have even Googled their little status codes and amazingly enough, there are a lot of words that are “drug slang” that are very commonly used in their world. Fortunately, there are people who are willing to share that information on the Internet. Your children and/or their friends can teach you almost anything you want to know too, if you just open your eyes. 

Keep Spreading the Word...and A False Stigma

I find myself being so adamant about spreading the word on drug issues that I’m turning into “that Mom.”  I find myself standing up for a cause in which I never thought my life would be involved. I never thought I would be the person writing into a news channel saying that I DO agree with the principles of Drug Court; or that I would be pestering the heck out of public officials trying to find out why our county doesn’t have one comparable to other states or other counties. I find myself questioning why, on the State Court website, that the State of Missouri doesn't even recognize that our county has a drug court. Does that mean we don’t have one at all or does that mean it doesn’t comply with the procedures that the State recommends? Does it mean that anyone is keeping statistics on the success rate, failures, amount of offenders in the program? I am waiting to be given the answers to those questions. I waited a week to even write about it, not realizing I would hit such roadblocks of information. Hopefully I can write about that later and give you some educated statistics.

I noticed that the news is getting ready to show a story on Drug Court. I was somewhat blown away that a story I am so passionate about, is getting some public attention. The website for the channel posted a question to the public asking whether they were for or against Drug Court. I just finished reading some man’s opinion that after one drug offense, people should be locked up because chances are “their parents are druggies too.”  Oh yea? Well, with all due respect, Sir,  I’m not an addict. I can even say that my ex husband is not a drug addict…so now what’s your reasoning, because that theory is obviously incorrect. I was watching Sesame Street today with our little fella and Oscar the Grouch was having “Grouchy Mother’s Day”.  Gordon was talking to Oscar and his sister about “Grouchy Mother’s Day” and trying to understand the holiday. Bob walked up and said, “Happy Grouchy Mother’s Day” to Oscar’s mom. Gordon said, “How did you know it was Grouchy Mother’s Day?” He said, “Well, I knew from my cultural awareness calendar.”  I thought, “Are you serious? They are putting these political correctness issues in the heads of young children?”  The more I thought about it; maybe it’s what needs to be done. I can honestly say that the things that were found acceptable when my parents were young; or when I was young;  or even when my children were young, are now much different. Does that mean times have changed their beliefs or that people were just not as educated as they are now? I’m by no means saying addiction awareness is the same as human rights issues. They are completely separate issues.  However, I do believe that people need to be educated about addiction, the disease itself and that ignoring a problem can create a bigger problem.

I have some friends who are from a “fleet” of 9 children. Out of those 9 children, 2 became addicts.  The other children could drink a beer or two and be just fine. All raised in the same house; all had the same mom and dad; all faced the same adversities; and yet 2 were addicts. How does that happen? Mom and Dad weren’t addicts and the rest of the children are successful upstanding human beings. Are you telling me that Mom loved any of those children more than the others? Heck no. I guarantee she didn’t.

The sigma of drug addiction is so inaccurately portrayed in the public eye, that is is frustrating to a person like me, who is trying to not only help my own child, but to help other children as well.  It's almost like being thrown out at first base, when you are trying to run to 3rd. It feels sometimes that no one wants to talk about it, think about it or discuss the issues surrounding the legal and economic issues that compound due to it. I think because of that stigma, that more people do not discuss it  publicly which is severely disabling the ability to find solutions and bring awareness. I don't know of any high school kid that wants to be the poster child to renew the “Just Say No” campaign and I find that sad. It’s sad that there is such pressure on our children that they feel safer drinking underage than to speak out against addiction. I remember MADD becoming a force in my area as I was growing up in Southwest Missouri. My 4^th grade teacher had become active in it, after a drunk driver had struck his son, who was a bicyclist. I knew nothing about drinking and driving until that teacher started speaking out about the issue. His personal views and feelings regarding the issue, opened the eyes of a lot of children. After that time, MADD became a huge organization in this country. If children were raised to feel that the drug problem could also creep into their lives, then maybe they wouldn’t be so fearful of telling their family, if and when that problem were to become a reality.

I have received several messages and emails from people reaching out for help. I think that is an awesome thing. If in ONE week, I can reach ONE person…then think of the people YOU could reach if you spread the word too. In one of the emails, it was from a person I didn’t expect to hear from and didn’t particularly want to hear from and it stopped my heart when I saw the name in my inbox. It was from a person I had held a lot of resentment for things that happened with my family. They reached out to me and apologized and said they had no idea it was my blog until they started reading and then it hit them. It compelled them to apologize to me, which is part of the 12 Step Program.  At first, it caught me off guard for not only the reasons of personal nature, but the fact that this person was reaching out to me. Here I was, talking to someone else’s child, someone else’s brother or sister, who was no different that my own child. This person is battling the same hell as my daughter. It occurred to me that they deserved the same support as she does in my eyes. I can’t say, “My daughter deserves treatment but you deserve jail!”  How fair is that? If I’m going to support the theory that it is a disease, then I have to support it for everyone, correct? Well, not really. In this particular case, I actually do believe the person needs help; however, I do not believe that people who manufacture Meth, who distribute drugs, who peddle pills to our kids, should be given a light penalty. What you probably don’t know is that a lot of drug dealers do not use drugs. They just sell them to our kids to get them hooked. Some of the small time dealers do use drugs to support their habit, but the big wigs from the big cities that are trickling this crap into our sweet little towns, are likely not even using the drugs they are selling. THOSE are the people that should not be given chances. Those people are the ones who should be off the street. If that takes arresting the middlemen in between, then so be it—but it’s not solving the bigger problem and that has become painfully obvious.

By the way, my daughter read my blogs Friday night. She said "Wow mom, you really put it all out there."  She said it was therapeutic to her to read it and I encouraged her to start writing too. It was a great relief to know that she finally got the opportunity to sit down and read and that I had her approval. This is a topic she and I both agree needs more public attention.

So…. if you or your family need help, please feel free to message me. I would be happy to steer you in the right direction. If you are from a lucky family that doesn't deal with these issues, please continue spreading the word so that others can be helped. Please help me break the stigma of addiction, so that we can start educating more people and hopefully, lead other people to treatment.  Since my last blog, there were three people in my help group, who have lost their children. Please keep them in your prayers.