Addi's treatment facility was very kind to her about the hard situation she was in, and her homesickness about missing it. They even made a video message of her for me to play at the rehearsal dinner. My son and his bride were very touched. He was teary eyed. It meant a lot to them and I was glad that she could have a role, even if it was on video. He finally got to speak to her on the phone Monday morning, and she cried. It was a hard weekend for her. She really felt alone, she said. She got through it though. It was about a 24 hour stint for him of women's tears, coming from me, his new mommy-in-law and his new bride.
My son's wife comes from a close knit family and this is her first time living away from home. Needless to say, it was tough on her parents to see her go, yet they love my son. My new daughter-in-law is going to have a lot of adjustments and will inevitably deal with that homesick feeling everyone has felt when they leave home. I prepared him the best I could for it, but thinking about her moving away, made me think of Addison and how hard it must be for her too, to be so far away, especially during a time like this. I think sometimes I take "home" for granted and expect Addi to be able to adjust to things that I've never had to do. I've never gone a month without seeing my mom. I expect her to do it a lot.
When a person is in active addiction, they can go months without seeing someone they love. I think the family gets accustomed to it, and then while in recovery, they need that support--yet, the family has adjusted to going long spurts without their presence. It's very sad to think about it like that, but I think that truly is something your mind learns to deal. I'm not going to lie--I'm missing her dearly right now and am glad I get to see her Saturday. Its long overdue and I think both of us have gained weight since we saw each other last. We are both stress eaters and I've been eating my way through my son's impending nuptials and my daughter's treatment and a lot of stress. Guess that is one of my own addictions and battles.
I am hoping that now that life is calming down, I can get back to regularly blogging. It's hard to write sometimes...my brain just shuts off. I've been on such wedding mode and video modes for the rehearsal, that my mind had to take a break from drug addiction. My mind is never off of my daughter though, even though she sometimes feels that way. I wished she could have been with us this weekend, and I know she felt as though she failed him for not being there. She kept apologizing for ending up in this position. He reiterated time and time again that she gave him the best gift she could have, which is her life. She was missed, but it was relaxing to know that she was tucked away safely.
Unfortunately for her, she is suffering the consequences of her actions and part of those consequences have been missing out on some family events. Speaking of consequences, I've had a lot of messages lately from people who have had their loved ones arrested or honestly, should be arrested. I can't express anything more adamantly to parents, spouses, siblings--that consequences are necessary. The saying "What you allow, will continue" is true. Watching a loved one suffer consequences is one of the hardest things to do. It was hard for me not to pity her and drive a long distance to see her on a weekend I simply had zero time. My husband deserved some time. He is the unsung hero who silently (well, if you know Chris, he isn't SILENT) suffers the most sacrifice. Sometimes you have to take care of the family in front of you and put your addicted loved one on the back burner. It's fair for all of you and it's part of consequences. If your son or daughter or spouse is being arrested AGAIN...and you go bail them out--you aren't helping them deal with consequences. If your loved one never has to pay the price and always has a landing pad on your back, then they will continue to ride you. Consequences are good. They are necessary. They are life or death sometimes...whether it's the life of your addict, or someone else that may get innocently hurt by their actions.
If your loved one is stealing, damaging, hurting, abusing--don't shield them from those consequences.
Stay strong. Wedding bliss eventually tapers to normalcy (although all married people should try to keep that bliss forever). Homesickness does end...Consequences can have life changing results. You can do it.
No comments:
Post a Comment