What would YOU do?

Today I have a hard time concentrating on writing my blog because I, like most people in Southwest Missouri, am focused on following the news regarding the kidnapping and murder of a Springfield girl. She was 10 years old. Her predator was a teacher with no significant criminal history. No felonies. A minor drug charge long ago and a wildlife infraction were all that appeared on his record. He was a teacher and a coach in the school district. Snatched from her neighborhood walking home in broad daylight only 2 blocks from her home. Her name was Hailey Owens. Yesterday she was a normal 10-year-old girl, who was playing at a neighbor’s home after school. Today she is gone, due to the cruel, horrible actions of another person.

When I think about the fright and terror that is hovering over all parents today—it makes me ponder…Are our children ever really safe? We teach our kids to not talk to strangers, not to get into a car with strangers and to scream if a stranger approaches them. Reports say that she tried to walk off from him, but he lured her back over, questioning her about directions. As she moved closer to him, he grabbed her and threw her in his truck. The neighbors were watching, paying attention; they wrote down the man’s license plate number and attempted to chase him down the road. They called 911 and ten minutes later the police came and an Amber Alert was issued. The community of Springfield and State of Missouri came together to spread information swiftly across the Internet and hundreds were on the ground searching for this little girl…but it was too late. She was found murdered.

Honestly, what could have been done differently to save her? The fact that she knew he was a stranger and attempted to get away from him; the neighbors were watching out for her; and yet still, she was taken in broad daylight, scares me beyond understanding. It makes me think that no matter what we do, what we say, or how much we prepare our children for this world, there are events and actions of others that our children will not be able to defend themselves. THAT IS TERRIFYING.

Please pray for her family and friends and the Springfield community as they try to wrap their minds around such a senseless act. I cannot imagine the pain of her parents and siblings. My prayers are with them.

So many times as parents, as neighbors, we look the other way and don’t want to interfere with other people’s business.  I admire Hailey Owens’ neighbors for being attentive and taking action; otherwise, it may have been days or weeks before she was found, if she was ever found.  It made me think about me, as a neighbor and as a friend. I wonder how many times I knew things about other people’s children that I never shared with them. Granted, it’s COMPLETELY different when a child is 10 years old and abducted from her neighborhood. I would do everything in my power to protect a child if I saw something like that happening. I’m referring more to the “covering up” that we do as parents. The “looking the other way.” How many times have we had information about a party that happened, or a child somewhere they shouldn’t be---and we simply chose to tuck it away in our brains? I am talking about the teen years. I’m referring to the years in which their path could be changed. I have busted up so many parties at my house where my daughter had a plethora of familiar kids there and I never said a word to their parents. I have read several messages from kids I know that involve themselves in the same world she does---yet, I have never reached out to those parents. WHY? Is it the fear that they will be offended? Is it common theme that “it’s none of my business?”  What IS our business? I am not a big fan of Hillary Clinton, but when she said, “It takes a village to raise a child”---she was onto something. People have become so consumed in their own lives, their own family issues that as a country, we seem to have become the masters of “looking the other way.” 

Ideally, it is most important that we clean where we eat, that we care for our own, that we pay attention to the details in our own back yard before we notice anyone else’s rubbish. I agree with that, but I also think we have become “pals” of our kids, rather than instilling that “fear” or “respect” that our parents and grandparents instilled. There is no doubt in my mind that when I was a single mom, that a lot of stuff went down in my home that would have never occurred now that I have become better informed. I know that I was taken advantage of, due to a lack of respect on my daughter’s part. I know that she knew that I was a safe haven and would not turn my back on her if she made mistakes. I can also, though, remember keeping my mouth shut about other kids and their behaviors just simply because they begged me not to tell on them.  I think now, in retrospect, it was a huge mistake. I think now, if I were to break up a party, I would probably call each and every parent. If they chose to ignore it, so be it---but at least I stood my ground. Chances are, there wouldn’t have been any more parties at my house if it became clear that it was not going to be tolerated.

I look back at things like that and want to kick myself. I wonder if my actions could have changed a person’s path. I wonder if I had been more persistent and the “nosy mother”, could it have saved someone from bigger issues?  Had I known that drugs were such a popular hobby back then, I would have handled things differently.  My eyes were blind to the problem. My goal is to open your eyes so that you can pay better attention. My goal is to tell parents “Look around you. Be aware. Pay attention to the signs and be the authority figure, not the friend.”  My daughter may have thought I was a pushover back then, but today she knows I have learned…the hard way.

What would you do? In retrospect, it is my honest opinion that if you catch your kids and their friends doing something that is wrong, and especially illegal, even if its “just alcohol”, its still illegal if they are under the age of 21—and you are setting a precedence that you will tolerate that type of behavior in your home, if you choose to look the other way. By just setting strict boundaries within your own home, you help create a respect that can’t be overturned as easily. As parents we want to encourage our children and their friends to hang out at home, I definitely agree with that---but there still has to be boundaries for not only them, but also others who come to your home. Looking back, I would have done things differently. I did handle things differently with my son and I didn’t encounter the same problems.  

So what would you do? Put yourself in this scenario:  You go out with friends after work. Your son is at his dad’s house for the weekend and your daughter supposedly went to a friend’s house for the night. You come home and find cars in your driveway, kids in your house and beer in their hands. They beg you not to call their parents. Your daughter begs you not to call their parents. What would you do?

Call their parents.