Thursday, March 31, 2016

What a Wonderful Miracle You Are

Well, I have been lying awake in a hotel staring at my phone, trying to go back go sleep. Tomorrow we will make the rest of the trip to her destination for the next 12 months. We have talked and laughed and told stories and she has talked to some close friends and all of her family. Everyone has been so supportive of this step she is taking. She had boxes and boxes of clothes from my sister and mother-in-law and she sorted through those and tried things on to determine what she could wear. We pushed the luggage cart in with all the plastic storage bins and trash bags of clothes. We couldn't stop laughing because we could barely push the thing. It is moments like this that I miss so much. Laughing until we snort over ridiculous things. She got to take a bath and shower and shave her legs, which took about 3 razors. Hahaha.

When I was gathering up her belongings, it boiled me as to how many times she has had cars, clothes, furniture-- just gone. Wrecked, stolen, sold, etc. How does her life become a few plastic crates? All for a 1 minute rush of a needle. She told me about how sick she got from withdrawal but that the fear of getting sick or "dope sick" is probably worse than the actual withdrawal. The withdrawal was hell, don't get me wrong. She said though she felt it was the smartest detox she had ever done because after a week or so, she started feeling so much better and clearer. She said many times "It just is not worth it."

As she was in the bath, I saw her back, arms and legs scarred from the abuse this devil has brought into her life. That is my baby. Although 25 years old, she will always be my baby. I hate seeing it. It makes me physically sick. Sadly, on the way up here, we learned of another young girl who lost her life yesterday. This has just got to stop. This is going to keep happening if we don't stop this steamroller. I heard KOAM is doing a special on Heroin in the Heartland. I hope they explore why these dealers aren't being charged as accessories in these young people's deaths. I wonder sometimes if it will take a higher person of authority to lose a child to addiction before they grasp the power of  this epidemic. I would not wish that hell on anyone. I just wish more people would listen to those of us who are living it. I wish the drug arrests were more vigilant. No family has 2 years to wait for the feds to investigate something. When I saw on the news they made arrests last month after a "two year investigation" I wanted to scream. "People, we don't have two years to wait!! We are losing our kids!" I understand that the feds want the "big bust" but its the dealers locally who are selling the death  potion to our families and killing people. Bust them! Quit letting them get slapped on the hand and thrown back out into the world. If things don't change, its going to end up being a person like me, who has had ENOUGH who takes the law into my own hands. Seriously. It has got to stop. Something must be done to hold these people accountable so they can learn there are consequences.

I struggle too as I think of a local family who lost their precious son in a tragic accident. I didnt know him, but know of his character and he was a great person who had a good head on his shoulders and a bright future. Why is he gone and these people slinging dope are still around? He was living life the right way. It is so unfair. I feel guilty. How is my beautiful daughter still alive with all risks she has taken with her life? I know God has a plan, but it is so hard to comprehend why horrible things happen to good people doing good in their lives.

How did the girl pass yesterday at such a young age but mine has managed to live through so much?

I can only hope and pray that it is so she can help change lives. She has so much support, prayers, love and opportunity ahead of her. After her horrible car accident, my sister bought her some "wall words" that I hung in her bedroom. It said, "What a Wonderful Miracle You Are."  Indeed. She is a miracle. She has a lot to battle and a lot of consequences for her actions--but she can do it. Today is the first day of the rest of her life...

My prayers are with those families who lost their children. My heart breaks for you.




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